Back to the Future!

Its been a real long time since I have been here! So I suppose I have a ton of updates.


i guess number one is another baby has been graced to us. So that makes 6 preordained lives entrusted into our care!(quiver is getting a little less roomy:)



In more ways than one, but especially on the career front, our paths for life the ones we thought were set in stone for us....have been chiseled away and something totally different has taken shape.


Its been a challenge. i thought we were being chiseled into a pillar. I guess due to just wanting a "normal" life of consistency....but not to be our path! i have found that at times i have wondered if we would survive the tapping away of unneeded rock. Sometimes saying "OH, Lord a little to much that time....Or that's a little close to the quick don't you think?" When it was done would we be more than a pebble? But through it i have come to understand that even a pebble can have a place of significance. A wall does not stand with cracks and only the smallest pieces can patch it. Yet they hold in some ways the most important role. They keep the structure standing!
(a little note after editing)
What's funny is after i wrote this saved it and came back i saw a neat little video of this same idea! i will post a link to it at the bottom


i am coming to embrace what i was made to be..... and my size and power does not matter as much as my purpose does. Being true to that makes the fall of the hammer easier.





First i would like to address why i have not been here in so long. i allowed people who felt they knew what the proper things to say were and what was acceptable before God, and man, push me away! Weakness....on my part. Such a desire to have no conflict that i gave in. But I have been hearing a snip it on Klove that talks about conflictlessness and sinlessness not being mutually exclusive! So true!





So when a friend of mine....a new one that has been brought into my life (another great update), made her blog private for similar reasons, i recalled how much i loved this place and dusted off the old blog. Reposted a few of the things i tore down. When i had taken things down i erased most of the posts....but a few that were close to my heart so i could not get rid of them. i just could never bring myself to delete the blog, even though i tried.





Well, the updates.....

I substitute my blog self expression for facebook! I became a facebook addict! (not really an addict hopefully)


Early On-set Parkinson's that was a big one! Why I decided to call this post back to the future! a double meaning with coming back to blogging moving towards the future and the whole Parkinson's thing!


Jason became very sick over these last few years and had to stop driving....which was his career, and discovered he had Parkinson's! What most people say is "like Michael J. Fox?" The answer is yes. But, surprisingly we are so grateful for the whole experience! What more to be said about that in the future?

Before that new baby came...Yes it was a Son, and his name is George. A year old now! We had a beautiful home birth this makes our fourth home birth! Still homeschooling, FINALLY found the church God wants us to be in( Praise for that).


We have grown, and strained, and endured........


After putting us through all that of course The Lord would move from tilling the ground making the rows to planting the seeds, and that is where we are. He is carefully choosing the seed and placing it in the worked soil he prepare. Now the most difficult part of the whole garden comes......maintaining favorable conditions for optimum growth....hoeing and weed pulling, watering, covering during frost and waiting!
So this blog is changing too, really just starting fresh. It will become a collaboration between Jason and I. A family blog! Nothing set in stone yet. Although stone can change too! :) We will wait and see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk&feature=share

When was the last time you stepped over a puddle?

It had been raining and it just kept coming this last week. I don't mind it though. Its just like life. You get into a pattern and then the rain comes and for some reason you are just waiting for it to pass. Well here the rain had come and was going to stay. Its good we need the rain. However their is a down side to that. Being cooped up in the house with 5 kids, no time to go out an play. Well, we had been in and were starting to get just a little tired of being creative with how to fill our time. So we went out to lunch with my friend Margo and her kids. We went in and ate. We were the only ones there because no one else wanted to brave the downpour, but we were desperate. And desperate times call for desperate measures. The kids were good just a little jumpy walking about around the table a little loud, but just because they were excited. The meal was over and we decided to go home. People were starting to come in and we felt the kids were getting to rowdy for the customers. The kids all file out. You see I have 5 she has 2. We have been told we are quite the spectacle everywhere we go. As we get to the cars there are 2 spaces between our vans. The rain had stopped. And for some reason their was a BIG puddle in between our 2 vans. So trying to get loaded into our cars we reach the puddles edge. Little Christian can't resist touching the water with the tip of his shoe. Suddenly from nowhere Margo jumps into the air and lands SMACK in the middle of the puddle. SPLASH! Everyone was hit by the water. All the kids just stood with a look of fear and confusion. Their little minds thinking "what just happened? Is this bad? And,I mutter "I'm I'm all wet." Then Margo let out a huge smile and laugh. We all looked at each other and the next thing you know Mommy's and kids alike are in the puddle. We are splashing each other laughing, jumping up and down. When is was all said and done we looked around at the people inside the restaurant just staring at us. I'm not sure what they thought about our behavior. But I will say this. Playing in a puddle is so much fun. Two year olds and adults alike. Why don't we do things like that more often? We may have been wet...but you could not buy a moment like that one with a million dollars! It was great. So the next time you are out with your kids on a rainy day... jump in a puddle together. You won't regret it.

What's your very best?

The Death Crawl - Facing The Giants

Shane Myspace Video


I love this video. I think it represents how the Lord is with us. He does not show us what is ahead because he doesn't want us to quit when we have more left. I think of all the things I have faced in my life and if I would have known what was ahead I would have given up. Watch it for sure and think of the struggle you are facing and give your very best.

From the mouths of babes.

Caity had this small quote hanging up in her room on a post-it note. I think it is so profound. If you can't read it, it says "OH THE THINGS LOVE CAN DOO!!" I love it. She is just so sweet. I nominate this for the quote of the year.

Top Ten Things To Do When You Don't Have Gas Money

1. Blog. Update with a new post, or come up with your own Top Ten list. Go on a random rant, or say something you have been wanting to say,
   
2. Hug someone you love. It's free and binds hearts together. We forget to do this to often.
   
3. Read snuggle up with a book. Pick one you have on hand but have not read in a long time. If the library is close by you can walk to check out books... if not borrow one from a friend.
   
4. Exercise. Take a walk, Run and chase your kids. They love a never ending game of tag. Yoga or stretches. Get some cans of food out of your pantry and do arm curls.
   
5. Work on an long over due project. Clean out the garage. Go through your clothes. Any project you have been putting off.
   
6. Take a nap. Naps are always free. Take a rest you deserve it.
   
7. Clean your car out... if you can't drive it, it should at least look nice sitting there.
8. Come up with ways to recycle. Do something with old newspapers or magazines you have laying around. Set up some system to recycle things in your house. Call and find out where the local drop points are for your recyclable goods. (If you're not lucky enough to have curb side pickup)
   
9. Listen to the radio. Sometimes nothing lifts your spirits more. And it might make you feel like you're driving.
   
10. Look through old photos. Reminisce about days gone by, enjoy a few old memories. The things you forgot may surprise you.
    

For Fathers Day.

I often hear people say that your relationship with your father can account for your views of God. Well, this got me to thinking again. What are some of the traits of my father that are paralleled to my view of God.

1. Dad always imparted justice, I see God as just.
2. Dad always cultured and exposed us to things that would make us well rounded people, I see God as wanting us to experience things so we will be loving and understanding of others as He is.
3. Dad always gave us responsibilities to help us grow as people, God gives us responsibilities so we will learn to lean on Him.
4. Dad made sure we had respect for others, God wants us to have respect for others.
5. Dad wants us to come to him with our troubles and burdens... but he never tells us what to do. He listens and guides us through the process. God does not always hand us the answers to our prayer on a silver platter, but He does comfort us as we struggle and encourage us to make the right choice.
6. Dad is loving. God is loving.
7. Dad is self sacrificing. God is self sacrificing.
   
8. Dad is loyally committed and unfaltering regardless of if others come and go with their commitments. God is committed to us no matter what.
   

If this saying about fathers is true... I am glad I had a father who models these attributes for me. I love you Dad and Happy Fathers Day!

Deep meditation inspired by a pile of dirt.

ARE BOYS MADE OF DIRT? OH, I FORGOT WE ALL ARE.

After all our cleaning was done, it was time to sweep. The boys room was mostly just dirt. I thought boys must produce dirt. Then I realized it is the base for the creation of all man. Adam was made from dirt. (Isn't that ironic) The name actually means "red earth". So the next time I think my boys are attracting dirt, I must remember they were made from it. I found it ironic that man was made from dirt. So that would make us dirty right? Dirty is defined in the dictionary as 1. soiled with dirt; foul; unclean. 2. imparting dirt; soiling. 3. vile; mean. 4. morally unclean indecent. Other words that describe dirty are: filthy,foul, and squalid. Filthy; it is an emphatic word suggesting that which is offensively defiled or is excessively soiled. Foul; implies an uncleanness that is grossly offensive to the senses. Squalid; applied usually to dwellings or surroundings, implies dirtiness that results from the slovenly indifference often associated with poverty. Our righteousnesses is described as filthy rags.(Isaiah 64:6) Doesn't that mean at our closest to God we are " an uncleanness that is grossly offensive to the sense? ( does that not describe the state of man kind in a nut shell?) When I look at this direct list of ingredients of human kind, I have to say my nose turns up. I don't mind dirt that much but the description given to thing containing dirt or things that are dirty is a bit harsh. Squalid applied to a dwelling, our earthly bodies are squalid and our indifference to God is associated with poverty or being poor. We will never be able to reconcile the difference of the inside and the outside. They are a reminder of our squalid existance. Another verse that this brings to mind is how God "remembers we are just dust."(Psalm 103:14) He has compassion on us because he knows what we are made of dust. Dust is 1. Earth of other matter in fine, dry particles. 2. any powdered earth or other matter in the air. 3. that to which anything, as the human body is reduced by disintegration or decay 4. a dead body 5. a low or humble condition. 6. anything worthless. Is God trying to send us a message or what. He has likened us to these descriptions.

Imagining a homeless man who walked up and down the streets. Doing his very best to survive. When he was tired he slept, he ate what ever he could find. He had not showered or changed his clothing in so long he could not even remember when the last time was. He went through the hot summers and the cold winters in the same clothes. Clothes so foul smelling that to come close to him may make you feel queasy. The assault of his foulness is apparent physically and his smell is strong and unpleasant even from a distance....................................... This is the appearance of you and I at our most righteous moment before God. Christ came to take that away and to give us his righteousness. In Rev 7:13-14 John asks who the people are in the white robes and he is told they are the ones who have washed their robes in the blood of the Lamb.(read the rest of the chapter and imagine yourself homeless and dirty it will make you cry) I know you can picture how amazing a shower and fresh clothing would fill after many days of living and accepting your own filth.(any one who has been on a BIVWAC sure can) Sure it happens gradually and you just accept it and get used to it. But once you get a shower, you would feel so good. Close your eyes and feel that relaxed feeling you know has to come across you. We have been living with ourselves like this for a life time. What a relief it must be to finally be and feel clean.

Isn't it funny how sweeping a pile of dirt can lead to all that? I can't help it I have tried.

The call to greatness!

Have you ever felt that you were called to something bigger and out of the realm of your own thinking. I have seen so much lately that has led me to see that the course of my life is not under the direction of my own will. I have experienced things I never wanted to experience and things I have always wanted too experience. There is some greater picture that is happening here and I have no idea my place in it all. I am amazed and confused at what this means. God has taken me through the darkest of valleys only to show me a picture of how He loves us. I have experienced the pain of life and sin. The Lord has allowed me to come to understand his heart in a way I never would have ever imagined or understood before any of this. Thorough the pain and suffering as I have taken up my cross and followed him I have been given a gift. The most powerful gift ever created, a co habitation with salvation and the love of Jesus. I can't even place into words what He has given me and I know most of you reading this will not understand. I know that I could have never had this amazing gift if I had not gone though the suffering. I see Christian's struggle and kick against the goads if you will. I see the greater picture of this suffering. To love the way He loves, to judge the way He judges. The compassion the glory, the shame the suffering it is all the way of the Lord! It all fits into the picture. If we are immune to the world of sin and suffering we have lost the greatest gift. We as Christians have come to a point of isolation from the sin filled world to protect our holiness and have in the process lost all Jesus could ever hope to give us. Jesus is not in the church pew on Sunday He is among the lost, hopeless the undeserving. How many Christians go to church every Sunday and then go home and never reach out to people with "imperfect lives". God will not accept this incomplete worship. With out a love for the unlovable and service to them your worship will be hindered. If Jesus came today. He would not be at church he would be with the sinners, the substance abusers, the lost. And Christians would be as the Scribes and the Pharisesses saying He could not be the Son of God because He did not attend the church every Sunday and sit among us, The righteous. "We say we are better than a drunk....yet when He wrote, Romans 12:1-3."For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." He is addressing us all. We are drunk with an unreal idea of how wonderful and how much better we are than others. We are not sober and are just like that drunk we despise only worse because we did not use a substance to alter our thinking... we did it naturally!!! We must see Romans12:16b "Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble, Do not be wise in your own opinion." I have never understood those verses as I do now. My eyes have been opened to the true heart of the meaning with in these words. Who more humble than the lost and those who have been destroyed by sin, (they have nothing) trust me when I say there is nothing more humbling than that!!! Christian if you do not heed the lesson the Lord has for you, you will continue to struggle until you have been humbled. And it will be devastating, but it will also be the most pure moment of your existence. God thank you for giving me the message of your love and the experience of the cross, in a real and life changing way. I hope that I can follow this path that your grace has set me on. Even though the perfect life is my choice, I will choose brokenness, as Christ chose brokenness. I will choose loving the unlovable because you do. It has been such a struggle for me to see "Christian" who have not yet come to understand their righteousness is as filthy rags. I pray for them. The process that has been set before you is marked with suffering. I pray you will quickly see and be brought to Him. The message has been placed in my heart and I have debated with myself as to what is required of me. I understand I have been given this for all of us and we will all benefit from the sufferings of one another. "Though there is pain in the offering Blessed be the name of the LORD!!!" Move us Lord move us to see it. It is hidden in plane site among the faces of the person in the car next to us. In line at the store in front of us. Open our eyes no matter how painful it may be. I asked you for this and I am glad I did not know what the processed consisted of or I would have never asked for it. I am so glad I asked you to make me understand, and I am so sorry I did not see it before now. Fear is a friend who is misunderstood....."He who tells his sins and turns from them(because there are more than one) will be given loving-pity."Proverbs 28:13. Are we ready to be truly honest with yourself and come clean about the dirty little sins you hide? The gossip? The Matirialism? The sex? The substance? The lack of love to your brethren? The lies? The hate? The false front of who and what you really are? If not so... so be it. The opportunity was given to us and we choose to turn away. We my dear one's are the only one's who loses. And we alone will morn that loss.

Forgot how good saltine crackers are?

Have you ever picked up a saltine cracker took a bite of it, and then thought to yourself...I forgot how good plain old saltine crackers tasted! This has happened to me several times. Which has inspired me to write. When you see a saltine cracker you think, plain, bland, maybe even cardboard. Of course something so simple like some flour, shortening, yeast, baking soda, and of course, salt does not seem the least bit worth its calorie investment. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltine_cracker
This is especially true next to those more appealing options like a chocolate cake perhaps, or a big slice of your favorite pizza. The cracker seems so basic. But it has been a fundamental staple of human history. Every culture has existed on the cracker in one form or another. Life is so much like those little boxes of powders mixed with shortening. Oh, YES! We sit around waiting for those main events of life, the main course if you must, and we munch on saltines to tide us over in the mean time until the meal arrives. When it's all said and done, life was made up of those simple ingredients! Those moment of the day to day routine. And we forgot how good that basic salt of the earth cracker tasted. That everyday snack that we just take for granted becames the meat and potatoes of our lives. We forget the simple things in life too often. So today I challenge everyone out there to sit down with a box of saltines and maybe some peanut butter, or a few slices of cheese and indulge on the simple pleasures of life. As you devour those powdery, dry, crisp crackers, count all you blessings. Remember all those little things you forgot to be thankful for.